


Lorenz's Bizarre Adventure

by MrAquaticKitty



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Dreams, Hell, Lovecraftian Monster(s), M/M, Post Timeskip, Post canon, The Author Regrets Everything, What Did I Just Write, What Have I Done, crackfic, dont take this seriously, i have no idea what im writing, im wincing, its 12 am, not really spoilers?, shitpost, this too weird even for me, wether or not this is a nightmare is for you to decide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 15:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21077102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrAquaticKitty/pseuds/MrAquaticKitty
Summary: A normal day with Lorenz and Claude.





	Lorenz's Bizarre Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> its 12 am and i randomly thought of this
> 
> there are things wrong with me
> 
> my computer is having a stroke as i write this

Lorenz lifted his head from his desk. Had he fallen asleep? Looking around, he could tell it was morning. He was unable to remember if it had been morning when he entered the study or not. Well, whatever the case was, he had a job to do. He took hold of a quill and ink and stared at the paper on the desk. It was a message detailing some trade shit. For some reason, the words on the paper appeared blurry, but Lorenz just shrugged it off. Signing his name on the paper and putting it aside, he set to work on the rest.

Finishing his work, he leaned back in his chair and looked out the window. It was still morning. Did he finish all that work that fast?

"Ḧ̵̢̢̝̹̪͇͍̠̝͍͚͈̳̗̭̹̙̳̳̜̘̬̜̘͙̯̖͉͖́͐̿̋̍̈̽̊̓̎̾͌͝͝e̴̢̧̢̢̨̢̡̧̨̧̡̨̧͕̤̳̭̹̞̬͔̱͓̳̭̠̞̙̦̩͖̖̝̱̞̗͎͔͇͖͚͙̮͔̭͙̻͙̫̥͈̩̘̗̠̭͔̊͘͜͜͜͜ḽ̴̢̛̘̲̭̳͚̗͉̣̬͕̝̱͙̞̮̤̻̰͖̖̹̪̗͙͈̱͈̞̩͆̂̅̿̿̀͒̂̄̌̄͐̃̽̓̏̃͛́̎̉͊̃͂̿̾̾̋̋̆͑̽͗́̈́͒́̿̋̉̓̈̈́͘̕͜͜͠͝ͅļ̸̨̧̛̛̛̞̬̩̱͚̖͕͔̬͕̘̥͉̝̣̯̲̥̞̹͙̯̲͕̫͔̳͇̫͍͇̜̤͕̼͎͉̗̠͕͔̟̺̦̔͌̇̂͋̆̐̓̆̈̄̌̅͐̒̂̉͐͊͂̎̈́̽͛̽͆͐͑̋̈́̄̆́̇̉̃̈́͋͒̓̒̔̐̈̾̂̕͘̕͘̕͠͝͠ö̴̢̲͉̰͎́̏͊̊͛̈́̿̔͊̈̔̍̇͆͒̐̾̔͐̋̈́̋̔̈́̑͒̐͐̾͒͊͆̚̚̚̕͜͜ ̶̨̢̨̡̡̧̢̨͚̙̩̥̠̪̩͖̤̞̭̬̼̣̖͙͓͉̞̦̥̮̘̺̺̱̹̙͈̥̠̱̹̬͇̙̹̝͗̅͜ͅḧ̷̡̢̨̻̠̜̬͙̖͖͔͈̠͙̹̞̞͙͙̺̝̗̰̝̝͙̞͈̻͖̝͕͙̗̗̹͙̤̹̘̫̺͓̪́̈́̐͆͑̄̓́̓̍̊͒̿͌͋͌̌̍̄́̾̾̈́͐̈̏̋̚͜͜ͅͅu̶̧̲̳̱̬̳̺̤̓̌̾̏̍̃̆͝ş̶̡̨̧̡̢̧̡̨̨̜̼̩̦͕̞̻̺͙͈͙̱̭̥̬͍̜͈͓̱̬̗̮̭͈͈̬̲̣̤̱̳̘̳̖̤̞̗̪͕̥̞͙̠̻̦͙̮͈̬̥̜̠͓̪̱͉̘̜̣̙̖̠̺̩͚͚̲͚̇͗̈́͐̂͋̉̈͊̃̎̀́̑̏͐̓̈́̄̾̅̾̾̓͌͑͘̕̚͝͝ͅͅb̴̧̡̡̛̳̥̲̤̬̙̹̞̠̫̦͕̜̫͚͉̤͇̺̩̯̯̭̮̜̻̱̦͎̞̦̩̥̦̖͚͉̺̻͖̥̠̈́̽̏͛̽́̃̇̈́̄̑̆͋̾̔͆͊̅̔̀̂̓̂͗̍̈̔̂͜â̸̧̨̢̛̳̲̱̹̣̻̟̝̳͚̭͖̥͓̙̥͈̯̯̞̽͑́̊̾͌̋̋̅̍̈́̒̄̊̈́̈̑̍̌̒́͛͗̾̄͂̀̂̇̀͐̑͊̉̿̽̆̆͒̕̕͘͘̚̚͜͠͝͝͝n̴̢̜̞̹̺̝̘͉͔̜̄͛̎͆̈͐͋̂͒̌̌̏̌͒͐͗̄̇̽̊̃̿̽̈́̾̎͒̎͊͐̎̈́͆̆̔̿͐̉̓̐̕̚̚͝ḏ̵̢̡̢̢̢̧̜͕͙̞̗͙̖̝̞̜̭̪͍̺̺̪̲̳̫̤̜͎͔̼̤̘̫̹̫̣̰̜̤͔̙̺̯̫͈͇̟̪̩̝͉̪͓̠͙̦̙̫͎̯̳͕̓͋͗̍͆̒͆͊͘͜͜͜͜͝͝ͅ." His beloved Claude greeted him.

"Hello, Claude." Lorenz smiled. "It appears that I have finished all of my work, so we may have tea together if you so please." He softly said.

"W̴͙͆̈́̉̈́͠͝e̷̟͉̊͂ ̵͖̟̰̙̄́̈ś̷̨̢̛̾͌͆̉͛͝ḩ̸̠̳͍̻͕̹̞̠̎͗a̴̢͎͉̤̥͕̦͙̝̭͛̋l̶̤͍͌͜l̸͔̐͆̿͌͂̊̒͗͝ ̴̻̝̟̣̦̝̝̻́́̒̓d̸̛̻̿̀͋͋̀̀̆̏ĭ̶̺̥͎̫̘͓͓̓ͅn̷͈̻̏̾̎͌͂͗͐̂ȩ̶̛̖̭͍̱̺̮̞͆͜͜,̵̹͖̞͂͗̌̅̏͛̈́̉̕͜͝ ̴̭̭̰͙̹̖̬͇̬̈́͑̇͛͆̑̽̕h̶̗̬͆̒̏͑̆̚u̴͎̮͚̥̻͗̈̓̉͛̎͘s̸̛͚̠̮̆͛͐b̷̧̢̛̦͖̩̼̺̲̿̀̎͆̈͜a̸̢̞̗̯̟͚̔̒͆͘ṇ̴̭̤͈̭̱̓d̶̢͈̥͓͕̪̺͎̎̂̈́̋ͅ.̴̨̠̞̗̬̘̓͌͂́ͅ" Claude responded. "Dinner? At a time like this?" Lorenz gestured towards the window. "It is still sunrise, my beloved!" He said with a light chuckle. "Unless you're suggesting we go somewhere nice tonight?"

"Ģ̶̛̟̘̙͆̍́͆ȃ̴̡̪̤̺̟͕̥͙̹̓́̓̄̎̋r̵̩̬͙͎͚̹̈́b̵̧̳͖̂̈́̏̈́͒a̶̛͙̾g̸̗̠͍̼̫͇̗̃͆ů̷̧̢̡̱̪͚͈̖̪̔̔͌ṙ̸̛̻̟̤̰̟͈̲̼͇̊̒͌̃͜͠g̵͓͈̬͚̣̽̓͛̕l̸͕͙̯̰̳̈́͑́̈̿͆̑͊͋͜͝ȇ̶̥̻͎̇͐̈́̉͗h̸̛̪̣̫͔͑̂̔̈́́̎̅͋̕ǔ̵̢̨̞̩̞̯̥̖̜̲̂̏h̸͈̖̝̬̑̾̃̉u̸̲͕͐g̸̗͔̉̉͌̈͗͠ư̵̛̠̏͑͛̉̌̈́͗r̴̼͈͓̓̉̒ẖ̷̡̛̳̪̻̪͓̒̑̾͝ȅ̵̬̙̅̈͊l̵͙̘̈́̂̃͠͝e̸̞͉̽̐̉̇͐̚͠."

"Haha, oh Claude!" He flushed red at the flirtation. "Well, if you insist! We shall have a royal feast tonight!"

"H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐."

"Yes, yes, of course." Lorenz got up and slowly walked over to Claude, who smiled widely with his usual sharp-toothed grin. The purple man kissed the ruler on the cheek before exiting the study.

He made his way through the castle to deliver the papers, but first he decided to stroll through the gardens. The castle's garden was beautiful, full of flowers from every corner of the world, carefully tended to by Lorenz and some of the servants. To no one's surprise, the gardens were ruled by beautiful roses of every color and variation. Claude made sure to make sure Lorenz got enough of his favorite flowers in the garden. 

Lorenz hummed as he picked one of the tentacle-roses. It was a soft pink rose, signifying elegance and sweetness. The tentacles from its stem was a lovely vibrant green as well. Oh, how he loved the gardens so much. Now, what was he doing? Oh yes, delivering the papers in his hand. Unfortunately, the papers decided to turn into doves and fly into the beautiful, deep blue morning sky. The sight of the birds flying away over the tentacle filled garden filled Lorenz's heart with such a soft, nostalgic feeling that he felt himself shedding a few tears. Oh, how it reminded him of the sight he saw on his wedding day. With the birds flying over the land, with the deep crimson shade of the roses in the background- oh how it makes his heart flutter.

He waved to the birds and the now approaching moon before turning around to head back inside.

"!uoy dniheb, zneroL droL" A guard shouted. The cavalier-mage turned jumped and immediately prepared a dark magic spell. "Oh, it's you, Hilda. What brings you here?" Lorenz said, relieved to see the delicate flower. "It's terrible!" She gasped. "Absolutely terrible!"

"What's happened-"

"The food is all gone!" Hilda cried. "Thieves stole it all! We must find them!"

"All of the food? How?!" Lorenz gasped. "I know right! H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐, but no one listened!" Hilda nodded.

H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐...

Claude had told him that before he left, hadn't he? Lorenz felt a black hole form in his throat. "I-is that so?" He questioned. "Yeah! H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐!" Hilda said. "I can't believe H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐ p̶̛̼̦ǘ̵̡̌f̶̥́ù̸̯̭f̴̤g̵̈́͜e̸͙͘͠ķ̶̦͗m̸̈́͜u̵͙̙̿g̷͓̱͋̑h̵͚̙t̵͕͑̚t̵̲̰h̸̰̖̒̔t̷̠͗t̵̳͇̋̀h̴͎͒t̸̺͙͒͗h̴̜̜͊t̷̬̝́h̵̰͆͒ j̶̛͎̰u̷̺̔g̵̹̮̀d̶̻͓̕v̶̥̘͘b̴̖̀͑u̸̺͝r̵̨͓͗͒b̶͓̥̂́u̸̡͍͠r̴̖̲͛b̵̤̊͜u̶̗̒u̸͇͝u̷̠͔͌b̸̰͉̉̊r̷̟̾u̸̙̜̐͘t̶̳̄̅h̴̖̾- Lorenz?" Lorenz was already gone, rushing back inside.

"Claude!" Lorenz called out. No answer. "Claude!" he called again, swinging open various doors only to see no sign of the ruler. "Claude Von Riegan!" He yelled, reminding himself of the old, angry and angsty version of him. "Show yourself!" And as if it was on command, Claude materialized in front of him. "Ÿ̴̧̬́͆e̷̗̳͂s̸̥͎̍͋,̵̛̺̳͠ ̷̟͔̉m̵͚͕̋ẏ̴̼͔ ̴̲̱̎L̴̪̐o̵̢͈͂͝r̵̡̒e̸̤͖̒͝n̵̲̪̈z̸̞̳͋?̵̲̟͆" Claude said as if nothing was wrong. "The food! The-the- you know!" Lorenz breathed out, only now realizing how out of breath he was. "Ỉ̶̗ ̶̻̋h̷͍͊̃a̷͇͐͂t̷̫̽̂e̸̞̍ ̷̘̺̔͘s̶̛̮ͅe̸͍͋ę̵͔̍͒ĭ̵͔̠̑n̸̢͑͛g̵̭̗̀ ̴̮̃͝y̷͒͜ǒ̴̩̖͛u̷͚͗ ̸͚̆̕ļ̶̟͝i̸̜̍k̵̪̃e̴̫͐̀ ̸͍̮͝t̴̼̋͂h̶̜͖̃ḯ̵̦͔̚s̴̩̓,̶̪̇̿ ̷͔͆͗w̵̹ḩ̸̱̍ȁ̴̜t̶͙̀̈́ ̴͙̑h̵̯̃a̷̙̒p̸̓ͅp̷̨̈́̚e̷͉͋̉ṅ̷̩͘e̷͎̓̉ͅd̷̛̰̀?̸͓̾̌" The man before him put a hand on his shoulder. "B̵̢͙͋r̶̳̆ë̵́͌ͅa̵̳͂͋ͅṱ̷͘h̶̨͋e̷͓͉̾͋,̵̡͚̌̚ ̶̧̮̃L̴̖̓͒o̸̢͒r̵̫͓̉e̴̳͛͜n̷̼̊̀z̶̗̾̍.̵͍̂͗"

Once he caught his breath, Lorenz tried his best to explain the lack of food and H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐.

"I̴͈̼͋̈́̑͘ ̷̦̬̜̘̅̽̏s̶̱͓̦̏͋͐͂e̴̙͉̒̌̽̍e̵͓͋̅̅.̶̞̮̟͕̀.̶̘̥͈̖̂͗̐.̶̼͔̰̍̂̕͠w̸̨̛̪̱͇̿e̸͙̹͈̯̽l̷̫͓̔̀͌l̴̺̓͐,̸̧̞̏͒͝" Claude said, trying to reassure the worried Lorenz by holding his hand. "T̵̩̮̱͔̹̘͙͎͙͓̥̖̺͖̰̦̫̗̞̦̳͍̻̟̺̲̥͉̣͂̎̈́̉̂̕̚ͅͅͅȟ̷̛̻̈́̍͐̃͂̍̉͌̑̈́̀̍̃̄̐̈́̊̍̋́̌̚͠e̷̡̛͎̫͚͓͉͎͉̬͓̜̺̲͙̼͔̖̭̞͔̫̱̓͆͊͑̎̒̃͂̅̇̓͒͝͝͝r̵̡̨̧͉̭̥̩̥̜̝̪̙̘͈͙̩̳̞̖̖͚̱̖̆̀͒̐͒̉͗̔̆̒̾͛̋̾̕͜͝ͅe̶̛͈͉̰̞̳̤̜̖͚͕̳͈͕̰̭͎̘̩̤̟̖̼̖̙͔͌̊̓̽̈̎́̄͋̍͒̓͊̅̆̋̚̕͜͠ͅ'̶̨̣̬̖̗̰͕̫͎̘̞̓̾̂̑͗̑͑̅͋̑̽̈̌̅͂͐̄̉͂̂͘ͅś̶̨̨̛̛̙̠̩͙̹̘͉͍̮̯̻̠̗̘͇͍̥̠̲͙̺̭̘̼̱̠̿͊͛̿̔̐̓͂͆̂̈́̍̎͌̾͠ͅ ̶̨̨̨̡͔̪̫̱͉̘̜͕̞͉̠̭̝͚̫͖̼̗̘̟̗̣͚̱͚̣̹̍͆͂͌̇̈̊͋̎͂̈́͜͝ṉ̴̛̣̯͔̽̋̎̎͑̋̅͛̅͗̌̃͛̅͛͗͌̊̽̉̋̕̚͝ͅǫ̸̢̛̦̭͙̯͚̬̪̫͙͇̝͈͓͆̄̓̂͛̓͗̍̎͂̾̍̒̾̔͛̿͗̋̆̉̋̈́̉̚̚͝͝͝͝ͅt̸̨̧̧̡͖̗̹͔̺̩͉̦̰̼̘̻̰̠̱̼̩͍͖͍͚̻̜̀͊̑̐͌̈́̽̒̊̃̀͌̓̅͆͆̂̚̚͠ͅh̵̢̦͍͈̟̠͖̗̰͖͖͉͚̺͈̳͕̟̩͇͚̖͖̥͚͔̹͍̤͐̈͊̂͗̑̋̎͌͒͐̉̂̔͐͂͊͗̓̑̿͘͜͠ͅi̴̧̨̨̨̝̝̙̟̖̮͍͖̻͎̥̰̰̬̮̺̪͈̮̫̦̅͛̔̒̑̉̎̋̔͒̌̎͑̐̚̚ṉ̶̨̱̙̪͎͚̮̻̼̫͕̗͙͙̠̗̰͉̮̩̣̻̦̗̣̇̏̃̂̓͊̌̍͆̀̽̚͜͝͠͝ḡ̵̨̡̢̛̙̥̞̗̳͓̞͈͉͉̙̘̱̫̝̪̗̖̬͖̂̂̽̓̔̇̊͐̈́̈́̊̑͛̉̔̇͛̉̂͊̿̀̌̚͘̕͘͜͝͝͝͝ ̵̫̗̠̪̖̱̞̩̩̦̦͉͇͕͉̼͊ẘ̶̧̨̦̭͉̯͎̙͔̳̪̮͖̥͔̦̻͖̹̻̘͙̖̓̎͗̏̉͊̅̏̅̈́̊͝ͅe̵̡̡̧̡̡̢̧̛̛͉͕̦̞̪̰͇̪͇̖̬̤̟͈͉̺͙͕̞͈͉̪̯̺̔͗̍̈́̾̍̿͗̊̏̈́̍̓͋̓͑͆̏͝ ̴̡̛̯̄̂̓͆̅̐͊͋̈́͌̋͑̿̔́̿͒̅͌̋̒̊̓̚̕͘̚̕͝c̶̦͇̖̱͍͉͉̖͈͖͕̱̫̻̫̗̏͒̔͋͆͠a̷̢̧̨̧̧̡̞͖̰̬̝̹͉̼̬̗͈͈̻̝̻͈̬͇̞̹̍̔̔̍̉̈́̿̏̄̿̌̊̇̈́̀͒͊͆̉̚̚n̵̡̢̦̦̺͍͍͖̲̮͍͕͚̹͔̥̳̤̞̜͉͎̝͚̯̞̞̗̐̅͐̐̏̎͛̑͐̽͂̒̈̍̽͝ͅ ̷̧̳͙͖̫̤͓̙̗̫̈́͜ͅd̷̡̺̩͉͉̠͓̟̲̺̻̫̺͎̫͆͑̀̄͊́̍̅̂̄̑̇͛̏̈̆͊̒̑̄̈́̔͒͆̋͠͝͠ȯ̷̡̢̧͚̤͍͔̟͇̲̙̟͙̺͉̰̹̲͙̭̞̫̟̱͕͓̹͙̒̔͌̎̅̀͘͜͠.̸̨̧̼̥̘͙̣͕̥̭͓͎͈̤̱̝̠͙̝͓͔͓̹̜̩̘̫͔̻͗͌̏͂͜͜͜ ̸̛̰̥̯̫̤̻̞̻̿͌̏͌̇͊̈́̾͠͝T̶̛̯̺͙̲͙̝͓̩̜̊̓͊͒̌̓͗̍͐͐̏̒̅̀͜͠h̵̨̡̡̧̛̛̤̠̯͈̮͙͇̞̰̤̥͕̪̺̥̝̹̹̼̤͔̰̫̘͐̊̿̊͋̔͌̇͐͊̔̆̾̕͝͝ͅͅͅè̵̢̛̦̭͔̯̊̏̌̉͆͆̒̾͘͘ ̷̨̮̰̈́̿̎̆̅̑̑̀̿͌͒͐̄̑̓̄͑̊̔̋̊̍̕͘ͅf̴̨̮̜͓̖̑̇͗̅͌̔͊̄͋͑̒̊͒̃̃͐̉̕̚͝͝͠͝ọ̵̲͐̈́̀̾ơ̴̱̯̭̲̪̜͕̟͔̣̠̭̮̟͈̼͚͚̣̹̮̹͌̀̔̉͌͛͐̃͌͆̿̓̎̀̾̕͜͠͝ͅͅd̷̖͍͈̰̪͉̱͔̖̟̠̣͈̤̗̙̗̺̗̝̰̫̣̮͙͈͒̿̓͗͗̀͆̑̒̅̈́͐̋̌͆̈́́̃͊̋̂͒͗̍̆͗̃̓̀͊̕̕͠ ̴̧̡̡̛̜̜̝͓̦̺̗̲̰̖͖̳͚͉̼̻̺̄̍̋͊̽̓̅͛̈́̈́̾͆̀͑̍͆̈́̓͂̍͘̚͘̕̚͘͜͝͝͝͠i̸̡̛̬̣͚̘̳̳̯͈̅̀̅̇̂͆̎̐̏͒̓͊̏͆̽̈́̃̈̅̍̏̎̄̃̊̍̔́͘ş̸̣͙͔̩͇̖̝̣͈̖̙͓̜͔̣̩̱͇͚̠͈̈́̅̓͌̆́ ̸̛̛͔̑͂̂̊̓̓͊͆̐̐͗͑̽̿̈́͋̍̔͂͂̔̃̾̌̚͝g̶̛̛̯̐̇͋̍̈́̔̓͛͌̾̈́̅̿̍̏̄͂̈̀̈́̒̈̚͜͠o̵̡̜̜̥̞̘͙̩̣̱̭͕̫͍̞͖͌̀̽̍̈́͋͗͂̓̈͗̋̊̊̓͒̄̽̈́͘͠ͅn̴̤̤̲͙̗͎̫̰̠̟̳̳̈́e̵̞͖̠̞̪͍̻̮̮̣̭̮͕͇̻̰͙͔̙̅̈͆̈́̇͜ͅ.̸̢̡̢̢̛̛̥͓͙̯͉̺̲̯̹̬̺̭̯̠̝͔͔͍͌̓͛̄̾̂̓́̒͒̍̃̊"

"But..damnit..." Lorenz cursed, giving Claude a tight hug. "If only I hadn't-" Claude interrupted the sad man with a kiss. "S̴̡̩͎̩̙̫̘̺̮̺̝͈͑́̋h̷̡̤̘̜̘̜̉̌̄̽̔͝͝h̸̡̹͔͇̜̯̹̪̫̏̌̓̕͝ͅ,̶̨̞̱̝̈́ ̶̳͚͛i̵̺̱̬͇̘͇̻̺̥͉̟̋͆͜ẗ̴̨̙͇́̽'̴̧̢̖̝͕͗͊͗̽̂̎̉̏̈̽̕̕s̷͚̖͙̟͍̪̋̓̾͐̊͗͌̃͑͠͝ ̴̧̡̮̹͉͓̫̜̭̯͉̭͖͇͌ơ̶̯͇̖͓̫͇̆̊͗͒̆͗͆̾̋k̷̠̫͍̲̦͔͖̗̩̤̯̜͉͇̿a̵̧̡͓̜̥͇͙͐̾̑̍̿̓́͘͠y̸̢̢̫̥̳̤̗͈̱̙̞̤̘̹̙̾͌͒̈́̒͋͠.̸̱̬̅̓͑͛͗̀̀͑̈́͘̚͜ ̸̢̖̜̥̯̥̺̲͚̱̃̍̈́͒̾̈́̈́͋́͘̕͝W̸̧͖̝̤̖͖͙̬̻͖̙̙̫̭̼̉͋̽̚ë̷͎͍̬̥̰̮̹́͆̈͋̽̈́̃̋̈́̏̅̚͠ ̵̧̛͙̫̓̐̐͜d̷̢̤̱̲͈͖͖̖̩̬̺̜̔̽̚̚o̵̪͙̹̖̐̽̃̿ń̵̗̤̣͇́̓͛͆̽̎̄͊͘͘'̶̧͐ţ̵̡̧̛̯̞͙͓̳̳̣̙̺̼̻̈́̆̒̃̕͜͠͠ ̴̛̠͙͓͉̏̍̈́̑̃̚̚̚n̷̫͙̾̈̅͗͑̈̋͘͠͠e̷̙͕̠̓̔͛́̚͜͠͝e̷̲͆͆́͋̾̈̓̂͌͗d̶̢̡̧̳͍̖̻̾͑͆͝ ̴̡̟̤̾̐͘f̵̢̻̜̙̯̰͈͇̘̑̉͑͑̏̓̎̍͑͊͝o̷͖͖̗̿̾̎͐̏̆̇́̒̔͛̀͑͝ọ̸̺̰͉̈́̅d̴̨̧͙̳̝̜͔̭̲̂̈́̀̈́͋̌̃̚̕ ̶̢͇͔̳̍̊̽̈́̅͋͜͠w̵̢̩͙̌̀͊͑̿̊͊̓̐̇͌̓͒ḩ̶̧̝͚̮̫͔̟̿̓̉̃͐ͅȇ̵͚̼̘̭̥̠̣̣͛͐̈́͂͒̄̅̅̚͝r̴̢̫̫͎̻̮̫͙͕̦̩̺͖̉̾̆͜ȩ̵̬̲͙̺̩̟͎̫̳̪͎̙͉̊͆̚ ̴̺̳̗͖͓͕̟̬͔̍̌̉̉̀͛̔̽̓̿̅͝ͅͅw̷̬͉͙͙̼͙͇͕̮̋̂e̷̡̝̖͙̬̭̩̖͍̹̯͔̰͉̔̍̓̿̋̊̚͝͠'̶̢̠͖̤̄͗̎̋̉̓͑̈̓̂̇̿̚͠ͅͅŗ̸͔͈̪̘͊̕e̸̮̮͛͒̀̈́͌̾ ̴̧̛͎̗̩̦̺̂͐̋̂̑̔͆͗́̕̚̚͝͝ģ̵̧̛͍̟̬͖̮̳̰̠̫͌̈͒̒̉͝ͅǫ̶̦̟̜̜͈̮͇̹̞̅̍̉̒̈̽̏̃̎i̴̡̢̡̻̝̺͇̻̭̦̯̿n̷̨̧̺͔̰̪͓̗̮͚͇̣̜̱̠̿g̴̪͚̯̞̺̪̮̞͎̲̯̞͈̐̚.̷̢͚̭̺̫̜̜̭͕͔̻̮̳̰͕͐̐̐͂͝" Before Lorenz could ask for clarity, Claude turned Lorenz around so he could see the hellish landscape of the castle. Lorenz looked relieved. Of course, how did he forget? This is hell.

"Hilda worried me so much, she made it seem like an assassination was going on!" He leaned against his husband. "You should've seen her, Claude."

"I̸̛̘ ̸̡̟͊c̵̺̹̓̃a̸͌ͅn̵̮͙̊̍ ̷͔̓ạ̷̡͌l̴̤͒r̷̲̝͆e̶͔͆ā̸͓̲̏d̶̫̓̚y̶̆̉͜ ̶̳̏p̴̙̲͛i̸̩̋c̴̱͛t̴̝̎u̵͍͠r̶̖͝ȩ̴͖́́ ̵̝̙͂i̴͕͐͆t̸̺͝-̸̘͋̎ ̴͇̆H̸̛̯i̸̞̭͝ļ̶̟̂̄d̵̪̤̚a̶͖͇̋ ̸͉͋c̵̱̣̋r̷̫͗̎͜y̷͙̼̒̓i̷̱̮̅̈́n̷͓͊̿g̸̡̻͒ ̴̛̙ḓ̵͎̽̓r̸̼͗͂a̸̜͒m̷̤̩̃͂ạ̷̦̎̇t̶͉̉i̵̦͉c̶̛̮̠ạ̵̙̈́͠l̶͙̖͌l̷̯̎̚y̷͎̅̆ ̶̜̩̈́o̸̙̽v̸̫̌ẹ̷͎̈̌r̷̭̈́̊ ̴̺́t̵̛̳̲̅h̶̡̳͘e̷̦͝ͅ ̶̟͗ͅd̸͕̜͒ḁ̵̔͘i̶̩̽̕l̶̡͈͐y̷̮͝ ̶̰̃f̸̗͉͌o̸̦̬̍̊o̸̡̅̉ͅd̶͓̚ ̸̥̲̋t̶̡̅" Claude chuckled. "Y̵̖̱͍͖̲̊͑̇̊̎̒͜͠ŏ̵̧̏̌͘ǘ̴̜̪͈̀̾̉ ̴͚̜̹͂̆̈́͌͠ẉ̷͇͍̲̪̙̯̿̇̌̾̽̕ͅo̵̡͚͇͑̊͠u̵̢̘͎̪̜̖͓̖̽̏͒̾̚l̵̖͚̿͐d̷̺̲͚̯̘͕͉̐ ̴̢͇̍̔̍̐̄́̿t̷̡̛͙͉͖̯̩̐͝ͅḥ̸̬͒͂̇͘̕į̴̧̤̤̙͕̈́̌͂̆͗͝n̶̡͓̳͖̺̲̻̏͒̉k̶̮͇̝̟͉͍̰̃̆̈́͐̈́̚ ̶͉͒̑̓̋͋̾͝͝s̶̺̥͖̱͓̊̑̓͗̔̕͘̕h̶̠̿̾̅ȩ̸̹̙͔̐͌̽̿͝ ̴̨͕͖̬̙̖͙͗w̶̡̞͎̗̓͐̎̑̕͜o̴͍̯̦̻̊̍ͅụ̵̪̱́ͅl̶͎͐̈d̸̝̾̏̆̓͌̄̕ ̵̥͇̩̩͙̄̒̌̅̈̍b̸̦͙̜͈̳͖͑̒̓̾͜͝e̷̙̘̠̼̟̥̣̎͗ ̴̧̨̧͚̫͍̗̇̌̏̀̏u̶̧̢̬̩̥͒̓͛͛́̿s̶̪̱̼̦͙̠͆̃̔̅̇̀ͅͅe̶̦̬̟͓̩͚̥͝͝d̶̩̫̺̻̖̤͎̲̊̔̈́͆͝ ̷̭̩̏͝t̵̥̫̘͉̝͒̌̽̓̽͗͘͜ǫ̸̧̯̭̻͉͛̍͊̓̈́̎̃ ̴͔̹̦̮̥͎̯̟͗̔i̷̧͙̺̖̼̳̻̳͆̿̾̅t̷͎̖͖̩̳̃̈͊͋͌̍͋ ̶͉͚̼͖̈́͒̄͝n̶͍͎̠̩̅̋̉̾̾͠ơ̸͚̦̮̪̫̥͌̅̓̃w̷̻̺͖̰̝̋̏̏̐̈́̆̚!̷̺̘̈́͗̚" "Agreed!" Lorenz nodded. "Although this begs the question, since we are in hell, what are we going to eat?"

"H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐."

"Ah, yes, of course. How could I forget?"

The two stayed in each other's arms before Claude slowly melted away into the floor as was usual.

Lorenz made his way to the dining hall of the monastery and sat down next to his good friend Ferdinand.

"犬" Ferdinand said. Lorenz laughed. "Oh, yes, of course!" "犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬犬"

Their conversation was interrupted by Hilda ringing the hell bell. "The hour." She said.

Claude materialized on top of the table, as usual, holding the H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐.

With a smile, he said, "Hey Vsauce, Claude here. Where is the H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐?" He pointed to Lorenz, who was being dragged to the gates of hell as the H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐ was finally set free.

\---------------------------------------

Lorenz woke up feeling disturbed. He looked next to him to see Claude sleeping peacefully.

It was a dream. Yes, a dream.

With a sigh of relief, he nuzzled into Claude's shoulder and tried to return to sleep.

"Lorenz?"

"Oh, did I wake you?"

"Where is the H̵̫̦͛u̷̢͐g̸̘̾͜u̴͕͎͐͗r̴͚̜̄g̸̛͕͙l̴̖̀e̵̝͓̅ṕ̷̖f̸̦̒̃t̵̲̀͋u̵͙̍ỹ̵̨̰g̸̙͛̔ͅh̵͓̯̓̉u̶̧͖̇t̶̢̽p̶̼̈́̈u̸͈̅f̵̜̖̈́̚t̴̫̓û̷̙g̷͛̎͜h̷̩͐?"

Lorenz had never screamed louder before in his entire life.


End file.
